I was talking to a mom the other day and she was showing me a picture of her child and said, "he looks like an idiot in this picture. Then she went on to dote over him as I did when I showed pictures of my beautiful baby girl. When I left I was sad, sad that she obviously loves her child, obviously and yet a word like "idiot" flows out of her mouth in reference to her most beloved.
Before you gasp and ask yourself how anyone could possibly...check yourself. There are so many things we think, say and do unconsciously. It is a habit we learned early on in life and it is so natural to us that we can't even see the harm.
I had another situation happen to when someone flipped me off. I had a moment of shock then found myself chalking it up to "oh it's just her". I didn't take it personally but I did have a judgement about her. Even though I believe she did it playfully it stuck in my mind and although I say it didn't bother me, here I am writing about it. What do you think about it? How would it make you feel? What would it take for you to flip someone off? Some might laugh and think it is funny, others might gasp and think "I would never!!"
My first reaction was "how could you? I would never!!" Reality check. I do say things that I wouldn't want anyone to hear. I think things I wouldn't want anyone to know about. I say things I wish I wouldn't have said. I do things that hurt peoples feeling's.
Those two things felt harsh. It made me realize again the powerful impact our words and actions have on others, on our loved ones, on ourselves. It left me feeling sad. How often have I said things about or to the ones I love that hurt them?
How many things do we say out of old habits that actually don't represent who we really are? How often do we speak to ourselves in a deeply harming way? How would you feel if someone you really loved called you stupid, fat, ugly, dumb, loser, lazy or swore at you in language I won't even write here. Even the short list of words I listed here are enough to deeply hurt. How many of these kinds of things do you say to yourself?
I went back and forth with myself about writing this post but I wanted to write it because I am hoping that it awakens you in a way that will help you get present to how deeply impacting words are. Yes, you may know it intellectually but can you stay aware and present to it enough to catch yourself?
Look around you, what music do you listen to? Is there vulgar language in it and you listen and just shrug it off as just music. How do you speak to yourself? How do you speak to your loved ones? How do you speak about your loved ones? What movies do you watch? What language do you use when you are frustrated, caught in traffic, you don't get what you wanted when you wanted it, how you wanted it?
As I see my daughter look at the world and simply soak everything in like a sponge it makes me pay attention more than ever before. She is taking in as much information as she can. From wanting to taste the food we eat, to listening to the music we listen to, hearing and watching the TV we watch and most of all taking in how we treat each other. I feel I have become hypersensitive to all of it. I know that I can try to influence her positively but trying is a waste of time. It is like trying to feed her healthy food if I am eating junk or smoking and hoping she doesn't become a smoker, or drinking and hoping she doesn't become a drinker or lying and telling her that lying is bad. She is only 7 months old and already I know that her little brain is soaking everything up and it will be the foundation of her entire life.
The blessing in all of this is that when I see someone else do something that is hurtful it reminds me to check myself. I ask myself, what hurtful things am I doing unconsciously as well? It all fuels my passion for living consciously, upgrading my personal habits, being honest, choosing what I eat, watch and listen to.
The most important thing I remind myself of is that when we are loving, appreciating, celebrating, giving and or listening we can't be harming ourselves or others. It is only when we are in a state of fear, worry, anger, resentment, hate or negativity that birth more negativity and harm. By devoting myself to being mindful, loving, compassionate, honest and authentic I will be doing the best I can, just like everyone else is doing the best they can. We all have the perfect parents, are the perfect parents, friends, lovers, ex lovers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, teachers and students.
When someone says something hurtful to you remember not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. When you feel hurt, angry, upset or sad check in with yourself to notice what you are saying to yourself that is hurtful. And last but not least, thank those that come into our lives and challenge us, wake us up in someway. They are gifts.
Before you go to bed say these words, "I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you". Think of anyone you may have caused harm to including yourself.
Exercise your power to choose what you eat, say and do.
I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.
Patricia
I am excited to be doing monthly events at Equinox called "Workin it Out" with Patricia Moreno. The next event is April 30th from 2-4. The topic is follow your bliss and take radical action. My co-leader for this event is Lauren Zander, creator of the Handel Method. She has taught me so much about the power of the truth. It is a rare opportunity for me to lead with her. I hope you will be there! Sign up at satilife.com. It is one hour of Sati and one hour inspiration. There will be a peacelovewold trunk show and a gift of tea donated by the tea set.
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