My judgemental snob is in the house. BTNA

You can reach Kat at paixlove.blogspot.com 

Today was a great day. I have to admit that starting this blog has been so much fun.  It is only two days of totally revealing myself and I feel different already.   After I wrote the first entry I was sitting at the computer and wondering if I was really going to press send.  As soon as I pressed send I started giggling and in 5 seconds Kellen texted me to say, “Baby I think someone hacked into your computer I got a weird text”! “OMG” I thought “perfect!” that is exactly what I wanted, to show another side of who I am. The “real” me is all things. The real me gets sad, jealous, judgemental, worried, angry and bitchy.  I grew up  saying “yes” to everyone so I wouldn’t have to speak my mind.  It led to so many issues of isolation, eating disorder, addiction and depression. I started the work of telling the truth, the whole truth with Lauren Zander years ago and have recently had an incredible shift by continuing to go even deeper.  I wonder what will happen now? I am curious to see the real me. 

How many times have I heard or read in the new age books or books of healing that loving yourself is the key. Honestly that statement has always annoyed me. There must be something there but what does it mean? I started diving into what it really means to love myself and to be myself and actually living the question, “Who am I”?

A while ago I was doing a meditation and I was mentally affirming “I want to know the Truth”  After a while I heard loud and clear, “You will know the truth to the extent you are willing to speak the truth” Gulp! Here we go!

My judgemental, snob is in the house.

BTNA

Kellen calls people who talk, talk, talk, but never follow through, BTNA, big talker no action people, I call them whiners and complainers.  Of course there are things that upset us, bug us, that we don’t like about our life, our body, our environment but if we simply sit around complaining about it we add to the problem we aren’t improving it. Complaining is not an action!  BTIA is a big talker IN ACTION! And it is someone who can move their life forward by getting themselves to take action, action that is consistent with who you want to be. (according to me and I am not an expert)

My Pet Peeve

It annoys me, like nails on a chalk- board when I see people post quotes, send quotes or talk in quotes.  From my limited perception I judge them and think to myself, “great quote but how about living what you are posting!”  If you are spouting off about how your thoughts create your reality how about applying it and creating a reality that is blowing your socks off!  If someone answers me in a quote, unless it is someone I KNOW is living it, I internally roll my eyes and want to gag and think BTNA.  It especially annoys me when I post something and then people chime in and agree and post a quote to show they are on the same wavelength. (snob) If I don’t think you are living it I will give you an internal eye-roll and click “delete”.  I never really voiced that pet peeve until last night.  I was telling Kellen about how much it bugged me and then I thought, this is tomorrow’s blog entry.

Well after I let myself  say it out loud about it, after  expressing my BTNA gag reflex I remembered listening to a talk from Michael Beckwith and he was talking about living on the edge and if you are not, you are wasting space. I loved it.  We are not here to stay the same but to keep raising our bar. Gulp!  Realization! I am bugged because somewhere I am not living what I am posting.  Even as I write that I hear myself say, “yes you are! You are doing great!” Pat on the back, pat, pat! But that voice inside my head that tells me “no! Don’t worry! You are great! Your life is really something for people to look up to already. There are few people in the world walking their talk like you are.  Come on!  Sit back relax!” This is the voice that if I listen to will have me right back at living a life of mediocrity. It’s my inner snob, my inner critic, my small mind.  I want to push the envelope.  I want to leave this world feeling like YES!  

So that is what this blog is about. I am catching my inner snob, my voice of mediocrity and ratting her out. If I leave that voice quietly taking up space in my mind it will keep me from finding the real me.

Snob no more! By taking off my title as expert and going back to a beginner mindset I commit to expand my mind instead and stop patting myself on the back!”. My life has improved, I am doing great, but nothing stays the same so if I don’t take another step forward and I don’t upgrade, I will actually be going backwards because life will keep progressing and I won’t.  Hence, Living on the edge, the edge of the next breakthrough! Thank you Rev Beckwith! Action I will take to prove it? Every time I have that feeling of YUK! I will simply do an internal bow of gratitude because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.  Actions I am taking this month.

1.     Get myself to raise my bar this month in the area of business and nutrition. I was reading Kris Car’s Crazy, Sexy, Diet book this morning and after two or three pages I was already inspired and realized this is one area I can raise my bar.  My small voice screams! “you are doing great! Come on! Give yourself a break! You lost lots of weight. You are at your goal weight. Ease up a little. Be nice to yourself”. I now put my hand up as if to demonstrate STOP!  I am not listening to you! So I am going to go for it this month. I am going vegetarian no meat, no dairy.  I just finished 3 days of the BluePrintCleanse and loved it but keep going Patricia! A little too much meat on my plate these days! I’m not totally proud! How do I know this will lead me to a breakthrough? Because I will be uncomfortable. It is not what I have been doing.  It will not be easy.   I will have to make an effort to shift from what is easy in order to improve and not be a BTNA and shift myself to a BTIA! Moving forward! I will keep you posted on facebook page “I love my body”

2.     Living on the edge action #2 will be in business.  My goal, which I have been talking about for years and haven’t done YET is to find a way to live stream classes.  I keep blabbing about it and I ask a few people for advice then I lose my fire because it just seems too complicated.  I want the quality to be amazing and I want to be able to have classes all over the world.  My original goal was to have leaders all over the world but that is not moving fast enough for me so I will find another way to supplement it.  Small voice speaking up and saying “it is going to be too hard, too much work, not worth it” is the one I am NOT listening to.  I am listening to my yearning to do it.  I really want it!! If I can conceive of it, it can be done.  (Blah blah blah, get going! Stop spouting off spiritual principles and start getting into action) I will have it up and running by June 1, 2011.

Thanks for listening.

The real Patricia Moreno