I heard so many excuses today. Good thing I ignored them!

My top three favorite excuses I tried to use on myself today and probably would have if I didn't write my commitment in this blog:
1. But I have meat in the fridge maybe I should wait until I eat it all!
2. I can pretend I meant that I would eat fish, fish isn't meat. I even looked it up in the dictionary, oh yes I did! How do you define "meat"? kind of like the Jessica Simpson quote while eating tuna "is this chicken or fish? I know it is tuna but it says "chicken of the sea"
3.This is not a good month to actually do this, Kellen's mom is coming and I love her cooking. Maybe I should repost and say I am waiting until next month.

I did get through the day meat and dairy free. At about 12:00 when I finally decided I AM doing it and put my hand up to my inner excuse making self, my inner excuse making self got quiet, especially after I ate an amazing sweet potato and I made a beautiful salad, pictured above for solid proof. I drank some green lemonade and actually felt more satisfied than I expected.  Although now it is way past my bedtime and I am getting hungry. One thing I NEVER used to do until I met Kellen was go to bed hungry. It was my favorite thing to do after a long day, curl up in bed with a nice big meal and then slip into dream land. Then I met Kellen and she would say, "it's too late to eat" gulp! Really? Can I marry someone who goes to be hungry? Then I got jealous that she could go to bed hungry and wake up feeling great that I joined the "go to bed hungry" team and I like it.
(Please don't think that means I starve myself! It basically means no eating after 7ish)

On the business front I had a funny "coincidence" ( I don't believe anything is a coincidence actually) I got an email from the learning annex saying they teamed up with USTREAM ( who I have been looking into as an option for live streaming classes) and would I participate in leading a class for them for their live streaming.  Ask and you shall receive!
I definitely took some action on this today and am certain I will make my goal of live streaming classes by June 1st.  "I now allow all the perfect people, opportunities and finances to come to me".  Thank you in advance!

1. Can I conceive of this being done? YES!
2. Am I certain my desire is in alignment with good? YES!
3. If it is then nothing is against me and everything is for me. AMEN! And so it is!

It is done unto me as I believe and I believe it is done and I am done now too!
Got to go to bed, seriously might eat if I stay up any longer!
Peace,
Patricia

My judgemental snob is in the house. BTNA

You can reach Kat at paixlove.blogspot.com 

Today was a great day. I have to admit that starting this blog has been so much fun.  It is only two days of totally revealing myself and I feel different already.   After I wrote the first entry I was sitting at the computer and wondering if I was really going to press send.  As soon as I pressed send I started giggling and in 5 seconds Kellen texted me to say, “Baby I think someone hacked into your computer I got a weird text”! “OMG” I thought “perfect!” that is exactly what I wanted, to show another side of who I am. The “real” me is all things. The real me gets sad, jealous, judgemental, worried, angry and bitchy.  I grew up  saying “yes” to everyone so I wouldn’t have to speak my mind.  It led to so many issues of isolation, eating disorder, addiction and depression. I started the work of telling the truth, the whole truth with Lauren Zander years ago and have recently had an incredible shift by continuing to go even deeper.  I wonder what will happen now? I am curious to see the real me. 

How many times have I heard or read in the new age books or books of healing that loving yourself is the key. Honestly that statement has always annoyed me. There must be something there but what does it mean? I started diving into what it really means to love myself and to be myself and actually living the question, “Who am I”?

A while ago I was doing a meditation and I was mentally affirming “I want to know the Truth”  After a while I heard loud and clear, “You will know the truth to the extent you are willing to speak the truth” Gulp! Here we go!

My judgemental, snob is in the house.

BTNA

Kellen calls people who talk, talk, talk, but never follow through, BTNA, big talker no action people, I call them whiners and complainers.  Of course there are things that upset us, bug us, that we don’t like about our life, our body, our environment but if we simply sit around complaining about it we add to the problem we aren’t improving it. Complaining is not an action!  BTIA is a big talker IN ACTION! And it is someone who can move their life forward by getting themselves to take action, action that is consistent with who you want to be. (according to me and I am not an expert)

My Pet Peeve

It annoys me, like nails on a chalk- board when I see people post quotes, send quotes or talk in quotes.  From my limited perception I judge them and think to myself, “great quote but how about living what you are posting!”  If you are spouting off about how your thoughts create your reality how about applying it and creating a reality that is blowing your socks off!  If someone answers me in a quote, unless it is someone I KNOW is living it, I internally roll my eyes and want to gag and think BTNA.  It especially annoys me when I post something and then people chime in and agree and post a quote to show they are on the same wavelength. (snob) If I don’t think you are living it I will give you an internal eye-roll and click “delete”.  I never really voiced that pet peeve until last night.  I was telling Kellen about how much it bugged me and then I thought, this is tomorrow’s blog entry.

Well after I let myself  say it out loud about it, after  expressing my BTNA gag reflex I remembered listening to a talk from Michael Beckwith and he was talking about living on the edge and if you are not, you are wasting space. I loved it.  We are not here to stay the same but to keep raising our bar. Gulp!  Realization! I am bugged because somewhere I am not living what I am posting.  Even as I write that I hear myself say, “yes you are! You are doing great!” Pat on the back, pat, pat! But that voice inside my head that tells me “no! Don’t worry! You are great! Your life is really something for people to look up to already. There are few people in the world walking their talk like you are.  Come on!  Sit back relax!” This is the voice that if I listen to will have me right back at living a life of mediocrity. It’s my inner snob, my inner critic, my small mind.  I want to push the envelope.  I want to leave this world feeling like YES!  

So that is what this blog is about. I am catching my inner snob, my voice of mediocrity and ratting her out. If I leave that voice quietly taking up space in my mind it will keep me from finding the real me.

Snob no more! By taking off my title as expert and going back to a beginner mindset I commit to expand my mind instead and stop patting myself on the back!”. My life has improved, I am doing great, but nothing stays the same so if I don’t take another step forward and I don’t upgrade, I will actually be going backwards because life will keep progressing and I won’t.  Hence, Living on the edge, the edge of the next breakthrough! Thank you Rev Beckwith! Action I will take to prove it? Every time I have that feeling of YUK! I will simply do an internal bow of gratitude because it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with me.  Actions I am taking this month.

1.     Get myself to raise my bar this month in the area of business and nutrition. I was reading Kris Car’s Crazy, Sexy, Diet book this morning and after two or three pages I was already inspired and realized this is one area I can raise my bar.  My small voice screams! “you are doing great! Come on! Give yourself a break! You lost lots of weight. You are at your goal weight. Ease up a little. Be nice to yourself”. I now put my hand up as if to demonstrate STOP!  I am not listening to you! So I am going to go for it this month. I am going vegetarian no meat, no dairy.  I just finished 3 days of the BluePrintCleanse and loved it but keep going Patricia! A little too much meat on my plate these days! I’m not totally proud! How do I know this will lead me to a breakthrough? Because I will be uncomfortable. It is not what I have been doing.  It will not be easy.   I will have to make an effort to shift from what is easy in order to improve and not be a BTNA and shift myself to a BTIA! Moving forward! I will keep you posted on facebook page “I love my body”

2.     Living on the edge action #2 will be in business.  My goal, which I have been talking about for years and haven’t done YET is to find a way to live stream classes.  I keep blabbing about it and I ask a few people for advice then I lose my fire because it just seems too complicated.  I want the quality to be amazing and I want to be able to have classes all over the world.  My original goal was to have leaders all over the world but that is not moving fast enough for me so I will find another way to supplement it.  Small voice speaking up and saying “it is going to be too hard, too much work, not worth it” is the one I am NOT listening to.  I am listening to my yearning to do it.  I really want it!! If I can conceive of it, it can be done.  (Blah blah blah, get going! Stop spouting off spiritual principles and start getting into action) I will have it up and running by June 1, 2011.

Thanks for listening.

The real Patricia Moreno

It's time to reveal myself and speak my mind and you might not like it.

Since I don't want  you to follow me then I feel free to tell you the truth about what I have been up to for the past few weeks.  I needed to take some time off from teaching to get some "work" done.

2011 it’s my time

To reveal myself

And speak my mind

I can feel my joy,

I can feel my power,

I can feel my strength,

I’m on fire!

I am inspired to be

The best that I can be

That’s being me

Exactly as I am

I am enough,

I have enough

I have here to give it,

I am willing to live it

Trying is tiring

Being is freeing.

I wrote this intenSati series the month before I was about to take off for a few weeks. My daughter was 5 months old and there was some “work” I wanted to get done and I was afraid to reveal it, to tell the truth about it and I used this series to help me build the courage to be myself and reveal myself. One of the things Kat said to me on our first call was, stop trying to be yourself, just be yourself. What? Well I was getting my chance.

My students know a lot about me. I am very revealing and let them in on what is going on in my life.  It is certainly not always not easy, in fact it is the most challenging part about leading intensati. I had been on a high during my pregnancy and even afterwards I hadn't been really challenged by having to reveal anything to deep in a while. Well that time had clearly come to an end.  First let me clarify what I mean by “getting some work done”.  I was taking the time off to get a tummy tuck and have breast augmentation.  It was something I wanted to do even before having a baby. From years of gaining and losing weight the skin on my belly was very lose and saggy and I told myself that my goal was after I have a baby I was going to do it.  Since I was going in I thought I might as well do what I really wanted to do and that was lift my little size A to a perky B/C.  But my rule is to live out loud.  My mantra is be yourself, do what you want to do, be who you want to be and give others the freedom to do the same and yikes I certainly wanted to change my mind about my rule.  I did try to think of ways I could book an out of town “appearance” and just show up “refreshed” but I knew  I would never get away with it so it was either give up the surgery or tell the truth.  

Even though it wasn’t a hard decision between the two, I was so scared to tell the truth that I waited until the week before I was taking time off before I even mentioned it.  In the beginning of the week I shared about it and was pleasantly surprised at the support and love that I received.  Being a recovering people pleaser, the positive response did make me feel good but I was still really nervous. I had 2 more classes to go.  The next class was not as outwardly enthusiastic or positively responsive. There was a look of confusion on most of their faces, dead silence and even a few people hung out after class to try and convince me to change my mind.  Then the physical effect of the fear of speaking up caught up with me and by the last class before my time off I was conveniently getting laryngitis.  My voice was nearly completely gone.  I texted Kat and asked her to work on me and she texted me back, “breath deeply and affirm “I am free to ask for what I want and to express myself”

The next day she told me the energy in my throat was blocked and we talked through the fear I was having. The funny thing was I felt like I was having a session with myself! It is almost harder to hear someone tell you your own words back to you, it is humbling and again reminds me the importance of not calling myself an expert. I showed up to my last class voiceless. I had shared with this group the week prior so I felt a little 'off the hook" and the laryngitis was perfect that it gave me a great way to shift the attention.  Instead of sharing I wrote on the mirror and asked them to read it out loud as I wrote it.  I was actually writing the script that I wanted to hear them say to me and they beautifully recited it and I took it in. I wrote:

"I love you. I want you to be happy. I want you to want what you want and make no apologies for it. When you do you inspire me to do the same." Ah perfect! It felt so beautiful and freeing and led to a truly powerful and amazing class. I had no voice and it didn't matter. Everyone else took on being a leader instead of a follower.  What a magical moment and a beautiful lesson.

 So now I am sitting at home feeling so happy that I had the surgery and wondering where else have I not let myself want what I want?  Where have I been so afraid to tell people the truth about me to the point that there is such a powerful physical reaction? How is going even deeper in revealing myself going to affect my life, my health and my happiness?  It remains to be seen but I believe it will be well worth it.

In this past 2 months I have felt such a renewed sense of inspiration. I feel like something inside of me has been reignited.  I am feeling a shift happen simply by not looking at myself as an expert and taking off that title and instead calling myself a beginner with so much yet still to learn about myself, about how I live, about what I really want and who I really am. I am looking forward to finding out what I have to offer, to say, to bring forth that no one else has done before. 

So I urge you, not to follow me or anyone else but follow your heart, follow your own guidance.  Want what you want, love who you want to love, do what you want to do, say what you want to say and reveal your true self to the world. The truth is some people will like you and some people won’t.  Some people will applaud you and at the same time others will boo you.  If you are following your heart and willing to always be a beginner in the search for your Truth you will be busy looking within and realize “their” approval you can go without, it’s the approval of yourself that matters first. Simply write the famous words of the great Dr. Seuss on your wall, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”. 

STOP following! Lead!

Patricia

Stop Following me! Why this blog?

So why this blog?  Well, a few weeks ago I was talking to psychic who I called because my friend Lisa highly recommended her.  Yes, I do love to go to psychics. (ps something I would have never told you before but since I don't want to figure out how to impress you so you will "follow me" I can tell you that now.) I had just had my baby girl Olivia and I was an emotional wreck.  I was crying all the time and mostly because I thought that my baby girl loved my wife more than she loved me! (Yes, I am gay, live with a woman, a beautiful, awesome woman who I love. Oh and Olivia is kellen's egg, donor sperm that was implanted in me because I wanted to carry, hence the freakout that Olivia must love Kellen more than me.) I called a psychic to find out if it was true (Just catching you up on the real me and by the way if you want her number she has rocked my world) since wouldn't a psychic know? She told me Olivia was just having a hard time adjusting and to relax, just comfort her and hold her tightly so she feels safe.  That took all of 5 minutes. It was the rest of the call the rocked my world. Kat is the one who told Me, "stop trying to be yourself just be yourself". Gulp! So here I am.

I realized I was “preaching” be yourself to people and calling myself an "expert". Well, if I was an expert on being myself why was I calling a psychic? Kat is honestly more than that, so much more, I don’t know what that is but I say it because after talking to her and having her work on my energy over the phone, (I have no idea but I love this stuff,) I felt an incredible shift. She was saying to me everything I say to others all the time and not only did it renew and reenergize me it had me realize that I am not an expert nor do I want to be. If I am an expert I will stop seeking, wondering, asking, being curious and having to keep trying to impress people so I can live up to that title. So I am revoking that title, I am simply going to see how real I can be. I am no longer trying to impress you so you will follow me, like me, buy my books, my dvd's or come to my events, I am simply going to see what happens if I just tell the truth and be me.  So let's start with a few confessions.